There’s a window in my room.

It’s a favourite of mine. There are trees and blue skies on the other side… Fresh air and bird sounds. At night it lets in the glow of the moon and stars. It’s the first thing I see when I open my eyes in the morning and the last thing before I go to bed.

I decided to clean my window today. I had wanted to open it many times.. but it hadn’t been cleaned for so long that there were cobwebs, dead spiders and pine needles behind the screen. So rather than make a mess I left the window closed.
 
So, armed with my rags and cleaners I decided it was time to tackle this window. I wanted my viewing spot to be crystal clear! I started washing the first layer, it wasn’t too bad. This won’t take long at all I thought to myself. Then I realized, this being an older house… there were several layers to this window. both sides of one pane of glass, followed by another… and of course the outside layer that was the messiest of all due to the weather and elements over time. 

I examined the window to see how to take it apart… and honestly to decide if this job was going to be completed properly today or not. I took the first glass pane out, washed both sides. All the dust and cobweb build up needed a different tool to clear out… In comes my trusty and powerful Dyson vacuum! Sucking away all the dust and junk that was caught between the layers… Things were starting to look better already. Then to get to the second pane of glass, I had to remove the decorative piece in the middle of the window. It makes the windows look so quant and special, guarded between the 2 sheets of glass. I finally made it to the last inside piece of glass to clean! “What a job!”, I thought to myself. Ok my inside cleaning is done now, but I look around and it’s anything but clean. My room is pulled apart, with pieces of window everywhere! Oh, I forgot to mention… the screen. You could just give up any hope of looking through that side of the window, it was so filthy… I vacuumed the visible junk off… then washed it. My cloth was black afterwards! 

Ok, time to reassemble. Everything has it’s place, and care is taken to make sure every piece lines up and locks into place just right! One final wipe and things are looking good! Now, do I want to grab a ladder and tackle the outside…. I could just imagine what that tree would look like through a clear window.. It COULD be beautiful!

Alright, it’ll be worth it. Haul that ladder out Mel… Get the job done right!! Boy, there was some serious layers of dirt on the outside. Not only was I up on a ladder, I had to do a couple washes to clear those layers off. Phew… this should be great!
IT WAS. I walked into my room and let out a long sigh, as the trees seemed to say “HELLO!” for the first real time to me. 

Now I see something that makes my heart sink a little. I didn’t wipe the middle layer enough, now there is a band of condensation on the INSIDE of my window! I can ignore it. I’ll just leave it… maybe it’ll be ok. The more I look the more I just can’t settle. My accomplishment just isn’t quite there yet. So back to pulling apart.. I start. It’s not behind the screen, it’s on the last layer. How annoying. I got it. All clean and back together. What a sight!! What great reward for my investment. Now clean and almost invisible. I can open that window and let the outside air in without worrying about mess getting in! 

Leave it to the Lord to speak to me while I’m washing a window. That’s just what He did. I’ve been so frustrated lately. Wanting to be at a certain point. Wanting to not hurt anymore. Wanting to be free from feeling “forever wounded”. I want to be healed and I want it fast. I don’t want layers or process. 

The Lord showed me as I cleaned my window today. There’s layers to your healing sometimes. Don’t be afraid to commit the time to doing it right. If you want half a view do half the work. If you want half the healing only deal with the first layer. If you want to forever view others and the world around you through filth and hurt, don’t pull the screen and clean that. You’ll be afraid to open up to the people around you if you don’t clean that layer out. You’ll come to resent the beauty of others around you, because you’ll only see the through your own hurts and wounds.

BUT there’s a better way. Is it easier? No. Is it a quick fix? No. I wish it was. If only God didn’t make us so mysteriously complex, right?

As I cleaned each layer today, the Lord was reassuring my heart with each layer. “Keep going, it’ll be worth it, I promise. You’re going to see clearly again. You’re going to breath fresh air again. You’re going to be healed and whole. You’ll appreciate and see the world around you again.” 

Just like I was careful with each layer; so the Lord is gentle and careful with our hearts. He is familiar with our pain and knows what a deep wound of the soul feels like. He is meticulous and thorough, not wanting anything left behind to trip us up or fester in our souls. He looks ahead, and decides it’s worth it to deal with the problem properly! So carefully He washes another layer of glass on the windows of our souls. 

He knows the potential in us. He knows the beauty we each are meant to portray. He made us. He’s not the One who slew the mud at the window, but He is so careful to clean it off and shine us up to our Eden identity. All He asks is our trust. Trust He’ll do it. Leave the timing, the process, the pain of it, the vulnerability of it, the triggers, the nightmares, the fears all in His hands. Yield to the process.

You’ll enjoy the results of whatever you invest in. As I sat on the edge of my bed looking out my window, I wondered why I didn’t do this sooner. It looks so clean and beautiful now, why would’t I have done that  earlier?! Because it’s work. Healing is work. It’s a daily choosing to let the Lord remove another layer and wash it. It’s being honest enough to admit you just might be looking at things through a mucky filter that needs washing.

Layer by layer He washes our souls. Reminding us when we feel torn apart and messy, He’ll put it all back together better than before. When I’m on the other side, looking through that clear and healed window of my soul.. I’ll thank Him more than ever before. I’ll throw open the windows of my heart, let the fresh air into my lungs and listen to creation singing out their thankful song right along with me.